What does Platonic Spooning Mean?

Many fans have asked me to explain, in my own words, what Platonic Spooning is.  Here is the definition, according to me:

Platonic Spooning is when you have a friend and you like to spoon with them.  Platonic Spooning can and most likely will lead to other things, but in it's innocent stage, it is a time and place where two friends can lay next to each other, talk about things in the dark and keep warm on those cold lonely nights.

It's Been a While!

Well, it's been a while and to jump back in and I wanted to add a new segment to The Platonic Spooner.  It will be another weekly photo (or monthly) of me making out with or posing with a random statue or other inanimate object.  Enjoy!

Tragedy in Courthouse!

Last night I pulled into the Taco Bell in Courthouse to discover that it has closed! WHY? How can they do this to us?

My boyfriend (the First Gentleman of Clarendon) used to get so upset with me because I would use all of his parking change as my taco fund! He would go to put money in a parking meter and there wouldn't be any left and he would ask me why and I would tell him because I went to Taco Bell to eat tacos and I would laugh really hard at spending the money and he wouldn't and it was kind of our thing. Like I would spend his money on my taco habit. I'm going to miss those days. Plus, it's the only taco joint in the area with a drive-thru. BOO-HOO I already miss you Taco Bell. I think as Mayor I am going to have to see what I can do about having another Taco Bell opened in the area.

Ode to Taco Bell

I'm going to miss you soft shell taco supremes-

With your low grade meat and tasty sour cream,

I know I am emotional and act like a sap,

But there is nothing I am going to miss more than a tasty Crunch Wrap.

I like the little jokes they put on the hot sauce packs,

But I'm so upset at the closing, I feel at a loss for late night snacks.

It's one of the only places in the area that serves Pepsi,

Now the only place in Courthouse with a drive-thru is Wendy's

Adios Taco Bell!

David Hasselhoff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE

This video is scary. Send me your comments. How would you sum it up in one word?

Arm's Length Photo of the Week!

This week's photo is one I treasure. It is an arm's length photo of me at Water Country USA- one of the best places on earth. I am actually considering having my wedding reception there someday when I get married. I mean, I just love it there that much!

Take a look at all those people having a whale of a time in the wave pool! That's another thing I love about Water Country USA. That wave pool! Complete fun in the sun!

Little Debbie Zebra Cakes Rule the School!

If you don't like Little Debbie snack cakes, then you should just stop reading. But if you are like me, the taste of a Zebra Cake can turn any day into FUN day! I know that the tasty cakes are like full of lard, but they taste so great that I don't care. Little Debbie's don't last long at my apartment because of their pure deliciousness. Here is some tasty trivia about our dear friend Little Debbie:

Question: Is there a real Little Debbie?

Answer: Yes, there is a real Little Debbie. She is the granddaughter of company founder O.D. McKee.

Question: What are the top selling products?

Answer: Our top selling items are:

1. Swiss Cake Rolls

2. Nutty Bars® Wafer Bars

3. Oatmeal Creme Pies

4. Fudge Brownies

5. Honey Buns

6. Zebra Cakes (Don't ask me how Honey Buns beat out Zebra cakes. That's insanity!)

7. Devil Squares®

8. Fudge Rounds

9. Star Crunch® Cosmic Snacks (And how the heck could Oatmeal Creme Bars beat out Zebra Cakes AND Star Crunch Cosmic Snacks or anything for that fact? Oatmeal anything=yuck. It's right up there with cinnamon anything- double yuck!)

10. Chocolate Cupcakes

(On a side note, you really can't beat the Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes. )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWyRoWMjsc0

McKee Foods Corporation, a privately held, family-run company based in Collegedale, Tennessee, has sold more than 157 billion Little Debbie® snacks since the brand became available in 1960. If you lined up all those snacks, that would cover over 9.9 million miles — enough to circle the Earth almost 400 times! That's also enough snack cakes to stretch to the moon and back more than 41 times!

Little Debbie® snacks have even orbited the earth on the space shuttle, traveling more than 17,500 miles an hour.

Little Debbie® Fudge Brownies were one of Elvis Presley’s favorite snacks.

Little Debbie® Oatmeal Creme Pies had a supporting role in the Disney family adventure Honey, I Shrunk the Kids in 1989.

The Little Debbie® brand is better known than its parent company. In 1960, the company founders O.D. and Ruth McKee decided to create a brand for the products they were selling and chose to name it after one of their grandchildren - four-year-old Debbie. The original image of Debbie used on packaging and advertising was based on a black and white photo of Debbie in her favorite outfit. Atlanta artist, Pearl Mann, did the original color artwork. She made young Debbie look older, around eight or nine. Minor changes were made to the logo in 1987.

You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em!

There is no reason to keep this website a secret any longer!

http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/

Meet Rebecca Dick! Director of Pop Culture and Television!

Please meet Rebecca Dick, Director of Pop Culture and Television for the Greater Clarendon area!

What is your official title for my campaign?
Director, Television and Pop Culture

What are three websites you check everyday and why?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ -- because there's news and stuff. And because I like to do sudoku.
http://www.tvtattle.com/-- because I am obsessed with television.
http://www.ew.com/ -- because I am obsessed with...entertainment.

Do you like paper shredders and why?
Yes. If you put scraps of wrapping paper through the shredder, it makes nifty filler for gift bags.

What is your favorite tv show and why?
Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I love TONS of TV shows! Can I give you a top 5?! Okay, in no particular order, but as close to an order as I can do: Friday Night Lights, The Office, Brothers and Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty. WAIT. I need a separate category for reality shows: Survivor, The Amazing Race, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, and, um...oh, American Idol, of course. I need a life.

What is your favorite amusement park and why?

Kennywood, in Pittsburgh, PA. It is the greatest amusement park in the world, and I'm happy to take a field trip there with whomever would like to go (particularly the mayor). It has several AWESOME roller coasters, both wooden and steel, and a lot of other great rides. Plus the food is awesome. It's very old timey. And I've been going there since I was a little kid.

What color pen do you prefer to use and why?

It depends on what I'm using it for, but the one I use on a day to day basis is black.

Do you like ketchup? 

Um...not really. I prefer other condiments. But some things just need ketchup. Like the home fries at Whitlows. I prefer the low sugar ketchup from Heinz, but it's hard to find. Buy me some if you ever see it.

Why do you think restaurants put pickles on plates?  This is an excellent question, Mayor, and one that I feel I am uniquely qualified to answer, seeing as how I am from Pittsburgh, home of Heinz pickles (don't tell them I don't love ketchup, though...) Did you know that pickles are mentioned in the bible? Also, did you know that pickles are technically a fruit? I think, you know, if it can't be baked into some sort of delicious dessert, it shouldn't be considered a fruit, but no one asked me. Anyway, I'm rambling because I realize that I don't know why they put pickles with sandwiches. But you can find lots of pickle information here: http://www.ilovepickles.org/index.html -- they're located in DC...field trip?

If you had the chance, would you go to Mars (feel free to elaborate)?  Um, no, probably not. I've heard it's pretty cold there. Plus I don't like long flights. I mean, I'll go on them to go to, like, Hawaii, but I'd probably pass on Mars. Maybe that's lame or whatever, but, I mean, what is there to do on Mars? Nothing fun, I bet. It's probably like Nebraska or Fredericksburg.

Meet Gary! Music Information Specialist!

The next person I would like to introduce you to is Gary Sause! Music Information Specialist!

What is your official title for my campaign?

Ceep Clarendon Cool

What are three websites you check everyday and why?
Facebook (for scrabulous)

Craig's List (for musical equipment and other postings)

Wikipedia (for various information purposes)

Do you like paper shredders and why?

I don't really care for paper shredders, because they are too noisy.But if the Mayor likes them, then I like them, and fuck the noise.

What is your favorite tv show and why?

The Simpsons - because the show relaxes me.It's not always funny, but it is like the comfort food of television for me.

What is your favorite amusement park and why?
Action Park - because they have water slides, tubing, and go carts!

What color pen do you prefer to use and why?
Red, because it is sacred, and evil, and it means you're wrong.

Do you like ketchup?

I like ketchup, but I hate catsup.

Why do you think restaurants put pickles on plates?

Because putting them somewhere else can be uncomfortable.

If you had the chance, would you go to Mars (feel free to elaborate)?

I would not go to mars for several reasons:

1.It's too expensive to travel to mars these days; in my day it only cost sixpence.

2. You're much heavier on Mars, and since I'm already 315 lbs, that wouldn't be good for my self esteem. Oh wait, I just found out I'd weigh about 118 lbs on Mars, so that is a stupid reason, and I'm stupid for not knowing that.

3. Space travel isn't safe, and although I'd like to "do it" in a weightless atmosphere, you can't just stop the ship and get out and pee or barf or other if you need to. I'm not into sticking a tube up my ass when I have to go number 2, despite what others have told you.

4. Mars doesn't have any major bodies of water, so, no water sports, and although I don't engage in any water sports, I like having the option to do so.

5. Mars is motherfuckin cold sometimes, like -67 degrees F. Other times, it's 80F on the sunny part of the planet....so I'm not sure how I feel about that.

6. They don't have a Taco Bell on mars.

7. I would go if Scarlett Johannsen were going, but we would have to have a contract where we get to do it in one big space suit, or some other kind of big space sleeping bag, and she would have to pretend that she was really into me.

8. Showering would be a problem, and I like to keep clean, even if I have a dirty mind.

I am the Self-Proclaimed Mayor of Clarendon!

Greetings fellow Americans, Clarendonians and Courthousians!

Welcome! This is my first official statement as the Mayor of Clarendon. For a couple of years now I have served as Mayor of Clarendon in Arlington, VA. Not many people know this but I do make my rounds to many events in the area to support Clarendon and the local economy. I've been known to appear at various parades, restaurants and shops in this fine section of our historic city.

Before I announce my views and platforms, I would like to introduce you to my dedicated and talented staff, without whom my candidacy for Mayor could not and would not have been possible!

Baby Corn Freak Out!

I don't know about you, but baby corn cobs at salad bars freak me out. So today I thought I would do a little research on baby corn and tell you a few freaky facts:

• Baby corn is just immature ears of regular corn
• Baby corn ears are picked by hand immediately when the silks emerge from the ear tips or a few days after.
• Depending on the variety, kernals can be white, yellow, blue or even pink!
• Corn matures quickly, so the harvest must be timed carefully to avoid ending up with normal corn ears.
• Baby corn ears are generally 4.5cm to 10cm in length and 7mm to 17mm in diameter.
• Baby corn is an important crop from Thailand and Taiwan.
• Baby corn is typically eaten whole, cob and all, in contrast to mature corn, whose cob is typically too hard for human consumption.
• It is consumed both raw and cooked.

I thought making this list might convince me that it is safe to eat these baby corn cobs, but I'm still not convinced. Do you know there are actual pamphlets and websites devoted to baby corn? I'm so scared right now. Baby corn frightens me almost as much as capers do.

Arm's Length Photo #1

Every once in a while I have a brush with fame. As you can see from this photo, President Bush and Laura took the time to have their photo taken with me in the Rose Garden at the White House.

It was an extremely hot day in July when this arm's length photo was taken. I was really happy the Bush's were so accommodating to me when I was taking this photo, since they are so busy and all. But as you can tell, they continued their speeches like I wasn't even there.

Arm's Length Photos of the Week!

I am adding a new segment to my blog- the Arm's Length Photo of the Week! It's when I will dig out an old arm's length photo I have taken of myself and tell you a story about it. Since I specialize in the arm's length photo, I thought this segment would be a hit.  If I'm feeling really wild, I may post more than one a week!

Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin!

I don't think I am one of those people who ask for a lot in general. I don't even buy the really expensive toilet paper because, you know, toilet paper doesn't really have to be the highest quality, right?

Well, I think my view of cheap toilet paper has changed. For the past few weeks, I have noticed that the quality of toilet paper at work has really gone down hill. It has weird red and blue flecks of something in it and I swear I saw a tiny piece of wood or cardboard or god knows what sticking out of the roll. Even after discovering this I continued to use it (I mean, what was I really going to do at this point?) So I guess I am asking, why do I have to use toilet paper that scares me and could possibly hurt me?

I know there are way bigger problems in the world than my toilet paper situation. When I visited Egypt toilet paper was scarce (I had to carry my own around or pay for it) so I guess the toilet paper in my office would be like gold over there, so, I should try to put things into perspective.

On the way back from lunch, I stopped by CVS and bought some toilet paper for the office. It's the least I could do really. If I can save at least one person from getting a splinter down south, I will have done my job today.

View from the Airplane on my way to Egypt!

Thanksgiving in Cairo, Egypt!

Nile River Cruise

Abu Simbel

Charlie Brown the Camel the Video!

Mosque of Muhammad Ali at the Citadel